Are You Kidding!
by soulstabber365
Summary: Due to an awkward sequence of embarassing events, Naruto now has to learn how to act like a proper lady. femnaru
1. Chapter 1

Not enough of these FemNaru fanfics in my opinion.

* * *

"BAKA!" Sakura screamed whilest she bashed Naruto over the head.

"BAKA! BAKA! BAKA! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING TALKING TO SASUKE-KUN LIKE THAT!"

"I WAS SPEAKING MY MIND SAKURA-CHAN! AT LEAST I'M NOT A BRAINWASHED TROLL-DOLL WHORE LIKE YOU ARE! ALL YOU EVER DO IS FOLLOW SASUKE-BAKA AROUND GOING _Oh Sasuke-kun, when would you like me to bend over for you, is right now okay. _SERIOUSLY GET FUCKING LIFE!" Naruto screamed at her, not even thinking about what the reprecutions would be. He looked up from ground to see Sasuke and Kakashi looking at him in shock.

"What! Think i can't form a literate sentence?! Think i'm too dumb to not know how to insult a person?! I'm tired of you all thinking im some brain dead blond that can't tell North from South!" Naruto yelled. He looked over to Sakura.

"And you! I'm done following you around like a love struck puppy. I've been tired of it for YEARS! You couldn't pull your head out of your ass long enough to see that i actually cared for you! Unlike the BAKA! I actually have feelings you know, and every one of you have never taken them into account! All i've ever tried to do was live up to your fucking expectations. AND WHAT DO I GET? Ridicule and rejection! A perverted sensei who would only teach the _prodigy. _A hateful teammate that cared only about himself. And a whiny little girl who always needed to be saved! I'm tired of all this shit!" And with that he stormed out of the training grounds. Furious and unaware about how he had come off to his teammates.

"Assholes. . . "

* * *

_Earlier that day_

* * *

_Another freaking day of training with a fucked-up squad. Yea! _

Naruto slowly got out of bed, careful of the stickes on his side.

"Fuck"

Slowly _she _stood and made _her_ way over to_ her_ dingey old shower. She slowly stripped out of her sleep shirt and walked into the cold stream.

"Brrrrr. You'd think that they would have installed hot water by now." She quickly but thoroughly washed away the grime of yesterdays training session.

"Bastard could have given me a heads up. . ." She grumbled. Sasuke just had to pull out that fancy knife (a.k.a. sword) of his and slash her side into a mess. She had to quickly preform an illusion jutsu to make the wound look less severe. She wouldn't want any of them poking around her, well, _areas. _No one in her age group knew that she wasn't a he. Heck she hadn't even planned to conceal her gender, until everyone in the class thought she was a boy. And naturally men have less restrictions, and moral codes following them then kunichi do.

So without a second thought the eight year old quickly made sure that no one discovered her secret. Her golden spikey hair was actually long and flowing, her impressive six-pack and pecs were actually soft curves over firm but not unsightly muscle. All with the power a genjutsu so strong that she herself forgot she was a woman sometimes. But the thing that kept her most inconspicous was her IQ. Now she wasn't one to brag, at least her true nature wasn't, but she was smarter than a Nara, better at battle strategies as well. Hell she could probably dig deeper into a mind than a Yamanaka if she really had the desire to. But she had quickly learned early in life that, by keeping herself aloof and dumb, she could avoid prying eyes.

So when she had graduated and gotten onto a team with an annoying kunichi and an Uchia boy she had assumed that her cover was going to be quickly blown. But after first couple of months or so, without anyone discovering her secret. She decided that for the most part, that the rest of her team was to dumb to look _beneath the underneath. _So she had taken their stupidity in stride and shocked everyone with her brute power and skill.

"They never suspected a thing after all these years. Dumbasses." She muttered as she started the long task of binding her chest. She was unfortunately cursed with a paird of D's that were almost inpossible to hide. Luckily no one ever questioned her baggy attire.

"Another long day with assholes." She stated zipping up her infamous orange jacket. " Might as well get started"


	2. Chapter 2

As Naruto stormed off the training field, she knew she had over-reacted, she knew this would do her in, but she didn't care. All that she had ever really cared about was becoming a great ninja, and eventually starting a clan of her own. She had never given a conscious thought to how she would break the news to the general populance, that the fact is their great _hero _was a _heroine. _And She never gave thought to how she would wreck her little play that she was preforming for the whole world.

"Shit" she mumbled. "I've really done it this time."

She rounded a corner and caught sight of Ero-senin. Not even _he_ knew that she wasn't a he. _And thank Kami he doesn't, i really wouldn't want him asking me to be his research material. That would he incredibly awkward and gross. _She shivered, best not to go into thoughts like that.

"ERO-SENIN!" She shouted, waving her hand in the air, aware that he hated the nickname, but sometimes she just couldn't help herself.

"Naruto! I thought I told you to stop calling me that, you're scaring off my research." He ran over, looking frantically up and down the street, trying to make sure no beautiful young women were looking their way.

Naruto thought for a moment deliberating over a huge decision. Maybe she should tell him. It would be nice if someone else knew. Someone she could trust her secret with.

"Sensei." Naruto said in a calm and serious voice. Thoroughly shocking Jiraya. "If. . . If i were to tell you something. . . something BIG. Could you, and would you keep it a secret?"

"Naruto. . . I think i already-YYEEEOOOWW!" Jiraya screamed as he was thrown by Tsunade. Like an arrow fired from a experienced bow.

"He's the biggest pervert ever! Thinking he can get away of sneaking a peak of me in the shower! LUNATIC!" She stormed off without another word. Leaving Naruto behind thoroughly confused and . . . well . . . speechless.

_Maybe it's for the better. _She thought. _Hell, maybe it was even a sign!_

She sighed. "I really need a drink."

* * *

_Several hours later_

* * *

When she had gotten home, she had immediately undressed and taken a cold shower, not bothering to re-disguise herself. She had then ventured into the back of her closet, and removed a hidden, and complicated, seal. The seal was hiding the rather large closet's original form. _Men don't need large closets. But lets face it, a girl needs clothes. And shoes._ She smiled to herself. _Maybe i can't be a girl all the time, but in the night i can be whatever i wish. _That was why she kept the closet full of feminine clothing, because when she let the genjutsu go and unbound her chest, she knew no one would ever recognize her.

She wouldn't be vain enough to call herself a knock-out, or even beautiful. But whenever she went to the club, the men seemed to faun over her. And she had gotten quite a few hateful glares from women over it. She slipped on a pretty little black number. It was backless, and came down to about mid-thigh, one of her more risky pieces of clothing, but hey, why not? It had beading around the plunging neckline in intricate patterns, the looked faintly like throwing stars, that trailed down her stomach and flair out at her hips. Causing an alluring sliming illusion, on her already toned body. She slipped on a pain of black stillettos, threw on a litttle lipgloss, a tad bit of eye-liner, and she was ready to hit the dance floor and drink the night away.

She gave her hair a little shake, the straight locks flowing down to about the top of her buttox. She adored her hair. She remembered when Sakura had cut _hers _in The Forest of Death, and she had actually felt a bit of pity for the girl. She knew she had been trying to grow it out for _her precious Sasuke-kun_ but it had taken a while for her hair to get back to any sort of normal looking. She took great care and pride in her hair and it would REALLY piss her off if someone were to ever fuck with it.

She grabbed her little clutch bag, and shut of all her lights, made a clone **male **Naruto, and teleported herself to a little alleyway about a block from her home. Little did she know that someone had been watching her, and had seen the beautiful blond readying herself in the apartment. What they did not see was her make a clone of Naruto, or leave the apartment. So when they saw the MALE Naruto around, it was pretty obvious they were confused. And they would be searching for answers, and they were going to get to the bottom of this.


	3. Chapter 3

chapter is being updated as you read. . . patience my pretties!

give it a good. . .oh i don't know. . . 2 hours and you'll get the new chapter!  
love ~soulstabber395 3 


	4. Chapter 4

FYI there's gonna be some pretty. . . ummm . . . _Ya know what scenes in here. . ._so if you're a prude just read the first paragraph or so and wait for the next chapter.

* * *

She was nursing her second Barressa Blast of the night whilst she watched the night unfold before her eyes. She watched other women dance with their dates, and felt a pang of jealously. She wished she could do that with someone. If only for one night.

She turned away from the dance floor, and stared into her drink.

"Now whats got a pretty little girl like you lookin so down?"

She looked up to find Kiba staring down at her. HA! One of the biggest lady killers, one of her best friends, was flirting with her! Well . . . why not flirt back. He _obviously_ didn't know who she was. And he was notorious for not calling _his _women back. It's not like there would be any attachments.

"I just don't have a big strong man to dance with me. I'm feelin a bit lonely." She replied, fluttering her eyelashes.

"Baby, i'd love to dance with you." Kiba said, holding out his hand to her in invitation.

* * *

As he led her out onto the dance floor, he couldn't help but feel he knew this girl. The way her eyes were to color of saphires, haunted him. _Where have i seen her before?_

As soon as he had led her far enough, he spun her around and started to dance with her. The rythmic beat of the music kept there hips insync as they began to grind against eachother. He placed his hands on her hips, and put his nose in the crook of her neck. _She even smells familiar. Who the hell is she? _He bagan nipping and kissing at her neck. When she let out a breathy moan, he turned her so she was facing him.

He moved his hands up and down her sides, slowly moving them higher with each stroke. His mouth trailed up her neck, kissing and nuzzling it. Reaching her jaw, he slowly made his way toward her lips. And when they connected, it was as if a sun was burning between them. The passionate way their lips connected was almost unreal. He let out a low groan, if they kept at it he wouldn't be able to stop. He broke their connection.

" My house or yours?" He whispered into her ear.

"Yours."

* * *

She couldn't believe she was going this far, this quickly, with Kiba.

But Kami! The boy could kiss! It was like the world melted away when he kissed her. And she loved it. She loved not having to care about a thing in the world.

When he had broken the kiss, she had been a bit disappointed. She hadn't wanted it to ever end. But when he asked her where she wanted to continue, her heart had leapt into her throat. She had quickly said his house, wouldn't want him knowing where she lived right?

* * *

He led her from the bar, touching and kissing her the whole way. Unable to keep his hands off her for and instant.

She was like a drug he was unable to kick.

The club was only a little way from his apartment, and they barely made it there with their clothes on. He stumbled up the stairs, digging into his pocket for his keys. Her hands distracting him with their roaming. He managed to get the door open, and pull her through, without falling over. He kicked the door shut, as her lips met his in a fury. HIs hands trailed down her back to cup her ass. _Kami she was perfection. _He questionly trailed his tongue against her bottom lip asking for entrance, and moaned when she let him in. Their tongues met in a battle for dominance neither giving any slack in their efforts. He let out a low growl and pushed her up against the hallway wall, knocking off a picture.

* * *

She met his fury with her own, refusing to give him any dominance over her. When he growled though, she had felt a jolt go down to her core, stirring a already, boiling cauldren of lust and need. She quickly started to work of his leather jacket, while wrapping her legs around his hips. She ground against him, and let out a breathy moan when she felt the hardened length against her core. If she didn't get off his pants soon she didn't know if she'd make it. She wound one of her hands into his mane of hair and oulled his mouth from hers, and started to attack his neck.

* * *

He let out a low groan as she pulled on his hair. _This girl is gonna be the death of me. _


End file.
